Farm Sounds

Sarah Silverman humor

 My favorite Sarah Silverman jokes:
 

"I drank and smoked during pregnancy and then I read the pamphlet and called my mom and said, 'Don't bother to knit the sleeves.' "

"I never got attention from guys, and then the old story, I got the braces off ... my legs."

"My friend said, 'You have to read this book; it's a page turner. I said, '”Well, I know how books work."

“My friend was told by her doctor that she was morbidly obese ... as if she doesn't have enough on her plate.”

"Women reach their sexual peak after 35 years ... men after four minutes."

"I've always wanted to own a maternity shop. I'd call it:” We're Fucked!"

Ugh! Another of his Jokes.

A woman meets a man in a bar.

They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together. They get back to his place and
as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that one wall of his bedroom is
completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears.

There are three shelves in the bedroom, with hundreds and hundreds of
cute, cuddly teddy bears carefully placed in rows, covering the entire wall! It was
obvious that he had taken quite some time to lovingly arrange them, and she was
immediately touched by the amount of thought he had put into organizing the display.
There were small bears all along the bottom shelf, medium-sized bears covering the length of the middle shelf, and huge, enormous bears running all the way along the top shelf.

She found it strange for an obviously masculine guy to have such a
large collection of Teddy Bears,She is quite impressed by his sensitive side, but doesn't
mention this to him. They share a bottle of wine and continue talking and, after awhile, she finds herself thinking, "Oh my God! Maybe, this guy
could be the one! Maybe he could be the future father of my children?"
She turns to him and kisses him lightly on the lips. He responds warmly. They continue to kiss, the passion builds, and he romantically lifts her in his arms and carries her into his bedroom where they rip off each others clothes and make hot, steamy love.

She is so overwhelmed that she responds with more passion, more creativity, and more heat than she has ever known. After an intense, explosive night of raw passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow. The woman rolls over, gently strokes his chest and asks coyly, "Well, how was it?"

The guy gently smiles at her, strokes her cheek, looks deeply into her eyes, and says:

"Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf."